mother's day

On Mother's Day I went to see my mother as I always do on Sunday afternoon.
She is tucked safely away in a place where other people, often strangers, bustle about taking care of her. The strangers come and go. Some have cheerful dispositions and lift the atmosphere from foggy depression to misty nostalgia. Others barely notice the way their presence can alter the space as they efficiently place trays of food that is mashed and pureed on the tables in front of the residents and straighten the "clothing protectors" that are really bibs for adult people who have drifted backward to childhood.
My mother is beautiful. She always has been. She is petite and graceful even now with her limited movements, and she is delicate of skin and complexion. Inside she had the strength she needed to raise children and make a positive mark in her sphere of influence. She also had wounds and frailties over which she had no control or understanding. When I see her now I am struck by the grace which she has retained even as she has become dependent and cut off from the world. Nonetheless, it is hard to go week after week knowing that she is often unable to respond with any sign of recognition.

My children and grandchildren came over in the early evening of Mother's Day. My husband had prepared brown rice and some white beans and the children brought fresh vegetables, salsa, seasoned tempeh and corn tortillas. We brought out the wine and it was a delicious gluten free vegan meal. After several hours of talk we decided to go on a walk down the trolley trail which has been entirely renovated since the time our grown children were last out for a walk on the old trail. We walked about a mile together, looking at the art and  enjoying one another's company. It was a happy day.
In many ways I am like my mother so her frailty of mind worries me. As I age I pray that I will be able to maintain my mental health a little better than my mom. I accept that this requires action on my part. Unless I am willing to continue seeking knowledge, using my mind actively and working to maintain my overall health prayer will not be enough.
It was not until my mother was 90 years old that her stomach and skin issues were attributed to celiac -- which is an extreme intolerance to gluten. After taking her off gluten her stomach issues decreased and her skin became soft and smooth - something I had never seen before. My mother's awareness increased as well but the many years of ingesting something that had been unhealthy for her had taken their toll. The little strokes that took most of her speech away, the broken hip bones, the twisting progress of arthritis, all of these cannot be undone. Certainly not all of her issues are related to gluten, but a number of them are, either directly or indirectly because the physical strain left her depressed and unable to take good care of herself. The experience has made the rest of the family look hard at how we live and how we eat.
The food industry changed a lot during my mother's lifetime. Foods that she thought of as healthy and good, like milk and meat, were not engineered in factory farms when she was a girl. Pesticides, antibiotics and GMO's were not a worry to her. Like most people of her generation she didn't know when significant changes in agriculture became detrimental to human health and she continued to buy what was cheap, readily available or on sale.
The move away from animal products, from sugary foods and gluten did not come all at once in my family but most of us feel better for the changes we have made. There are no guarantees but if I can do things now that will give me a better chance of having all my wits about me in the future then I want to do those things if for no other reason than to spare my children and grandchildren years of painful visits, or the guilt that comes when visiting seems too hard.